Retreat Journal

A $6 specialist. An echocardiograph showing heart swelling. 18,000 steps and half a quinoa ball for dinner. And the quiet admission that I still can't picture a world where I'm not drinking.

Pacing around my room at midnight for 15,000 steps. Baby food portions. The first real craving — and why it scared me. And the sadness that came back after I put the pen down.

A hospital visit for a small cut. A doctor who called pharmaceutical marketing a medical mafia. A sound bath that opened a feeling I've been running from my entire life.

Day 8 of the retreat. The Basti treatment, a steam box that looks like a guillotine, a meditation class where I slept deeply, and an unexpected conversation about marriage and family.

One week in. Five and a half hours of sleep. Watched the Spurs beat Oklahoma City. Eating only vegetables. The Virechana protocol begins tomorrow. Day 7 at the Ayurvedic retreat in Bengaluru.

1.5 hours of sleep, treatment refusal, a temple behind a bodega, and the anxiety of thinking about leaving. Day 6 at the Ayurvedic retreat in Bengaluru.

3.5 hours of sleep, back pain gone, buttermilk treatment, and the unsettling realization that I need to lean in harder. Day 5 at the Ayurvedic retreat in Bengaluru.

Day four. The doctor sat across from me this morning and said: you need to stop moving. Everything. You are Vata through and through and you have been running at a pace that has depleted your nervous system reserves.

First good night of sleep. Eight hours. My resting heart rate was 74. And then my digestive system staged a full revolt.

An honest first-person account of day 1 at an Ayurvedic retreat in Bengaluru — arriving with addiction, anxiety and bad sleep, the intake consultation, Abhyanga, and why I'm really here.

Fresh food only. No leftovers. Clay pots. Oils chosen by dish. I spent a day in a South Indian Ayurvedic kitchen and took notes on everything.